Beautiful.

The Merriam Webster defines beauty as something that brings pleasure to the senses, or something that exalts the mind and spirit. We so often think of beauty in a shallow sense. Most people think of it only applying to women, or maybe to a landscape. If I take the word beauty by its literal definition then the things in life I find beautiful drastically changes. Sunsets and landscapes bring me pleasure when I see them but I would have to argue that the things I find most beautiful are can not be seen with the eyes; which poses the question if beauty can only be found in things we see. I'm not a strict definition kind of girl but according to this one, it can be any sense, not just sight. For instance, I find words beautiful. There are not many things in life that bring me greater happiness then reading words and writing them. Just the sounds they make rolling off my tongue onto paper. The thoughts and feelings behind them, the meanings; the power they have. A little three letter word could change the world. Something else that I find beautiful that I can not necessarily see is feelings. I find it beautiful that as humans, we are not numb to our surroundings but are able to react and to feel. whether it is anything from hate to love, I am able to express myself. Feelings are what differentiate us from so many other things in this world. They too have the power to change this world. I would rather feel pain and heartache then feel nothing at all. Something visible I find beautiful are people. I'm not talking in the literal sense that they are attractive. I'm saying that there are people that the minute I set eyes on, I smile. Whether they be friends, family, or a complete stranger that just had something about them that made me smile; somebody doesn't not have to be 'beautiful' to beautiful. I'm not saying this in a mean way, but there are plenty a people I know who I would dare say are attractive that I would consider beautiful because they are kind or have something else about them that just makes me smile, and smiling brings pleasure to me. To sum it all up, I would have to say that life itself is beautiful. Life. it contains everything. It gives a short amount of time to enjoy everything it has to offer. to make it into whatever you want it to be.. to soak it in and spend every second with the beautiful things it gives us.. To love and be loved.. to seize the day.. to be able to make that conscious decision to be happy.
Life is Beautiful

Look at that picture
In the blue picture frame,
A picture of us but we'll never be the same.
On the corner of my counter ledge,
The wind blows hard,
It falls off the edge.
The glass cracks into 103 parts,
One for each time you took a piece of my heart.
Suddenly I feel a pain,
I knew the feeling,
It was the same,
As when we took that picture together,
We promised each other it was forever.
I looked at my hand,
To find a piece of glass in my finger,
Once I took it out,
The pain no longer lingered.
I looked at my heart,
And pulled you out like the glass in my finger,
Now that you're gone,
The pain no longer lingers.

When I'm down you make me feel like I can fly,
On the dreariest of days,
On the pinkest of skies.

You lighten up my face,
You lighten up the sky,
You lighten up the stars,
And you make me feel like I can fly.

I need you tonight,
Come hold me close,
Come hold me tight.

When I'm secure in your embrace,
Held with all trust,
I look in your eyes,
I look at your face.

Like there's no tomorrow,
Like this day will never end,
Passing through all trouble,
I'll always hold your hand.

It was you.

It started with a letter one day,
That said someone had passed away.
My eyes filled up with tears
So I couldn't read the name,
But I new from that day,
I would never be the same.
I got a telephone call,
But I hung up before I heard it all.
They said the funeral was friday at two,
But I didn't go because in the coffin would be you.
When the world is mean to me at night,
I look for a haven but you're no where in site.
You've left me for good,
I would look for you if I could.
So I could cry on your shoulder,
And let down a tear.
We would listen to music,
If only you were here.

My Savior, My God

I woke up this morning and this was the first song I heard. Every time I hear the beautiful lyrics I am in awe. I realize how feeble and frail I am. I have no control over anything. I have no control over what happens to me. It's my natural instinct to be scared. Scared of the unpredictable future, but then I realize I am not in control and it brings such a sweet comfort to my soul. I  don't have to understand. I don't have to know what is going on, and I don't have to know what will happen tomorrow. I rest assured that my God is in control, knows exactly what he is doing, and no matter what, he will never leave me nor forsake me. I have no need to worry. I know that that no matter what, my Savior is always going to be. I fail and fall so much. I have a God who loves and protects me; a God who is always watching over me, yet everyday I do things that I know I shouldn't. But I have an unfailing Savior who will always forgive me and pick me up back on my feet. 




I am not skilled to understand
What God has willed, what God has planned
I only know at His right hand
Stands one who is my Savior

I take Him at His word and deed
Christ died to save me; this I read
And in my heart I find a need
Of Him to be my savior

That He would leave His place on high
And come for sinful man to die
You count it strange, so once did I
Before I knew my Savior

My Savior loves, My Savior lives
My Savior's always there for me
My God: He was, my God; He is
My God is always gonna be

Yes, living, dying, let me bring
My strength, my solace from this spring;
That He who lives to be my King
Once died to be my Savior

That He would leave His place on high
And come for sinful man to die
You count it strange, so once did I
Before I knew my Savior

They Say

They say I'm always happy,

They say I never frown.

They don't know anything,

They don't know in all the tears I drown.

They say I always smile,

And brighten people's day,

But honestly it's been a while,

Since someone has cared enough

to wipe my tears away.

My Fingertips are grasping onto 

The edge of this insanity,

Slowly slipping into the beautiful forever

Of all this abnormality.

Admit you've seen my tears
And admit you've heard my cries,
You never helped me conquer my fears,
But you helped me believe your lies.

When I needed you the most,
You were never there.
You didn't love me,
You didn't even care.

Now I'm bent and broken
From your bitter and twisted lies.
I want to heal,
So it's time to say our goodbyes.

Crows.

Today was like any other day. My school bus dropped me off at its normal spot. I was carrying my bag full of books, my violin, and my shoes. I always take my shoes off as soon as I get off the bus. I love walking barefoot and stomping on the trail of crunchy leaves that God puts there as a way of telling me he loves me. He knows how much crunchy leaves make me smile. For some reason or another, there was something different about the day. As I walked off the bus, it wasn't as sunny as it usually is. I guess it was because of the fall that our days are shorter and I can no longer count on the sun to walk me home from school. I suddenly got the chills. It wasn't cold but there was something eerie in the air. I started to walk faster when I heard a flock of crows screeching. A deathly feeling came about me. My stomach dropped. I felt as the crows were yelling at me because something bad was about to happen and no matter how loud they became, they wouldn't be able to warn me. I started running home. I was legitimately scared. I am now home, typing this up. I don't know what the crows were saying but they left a bruise in my stomach and I will be sitting here trying to occupy my time, wondering what in the world the crows were trying to tell me.

..or maybe it's just the running off of my imagination; however, I'm aware that anybody reading this might think I'm insane for thinking that these crow's foreboding screeches were trying to tell me something.

Setting Description assignment for my lovely PCA English class. (sarcasm on the word 'lovely')

As he walked into the abandoned room, a deathly silence filled the air. His skin tingled with goose bumps as if a cold wind had just blown through and given him chills. There was no wind however. Wesley's chills were just the result of some mysterious incident that still haunted the place he now found himself in; or so the running off of his imagination led him to believe.  There was a single desk in the middle of the room. Wesley imagined that this piece of furniture had once been worth a fortune. It was obvious someone had specially designed this desk for someone in particular. The intricate, hand-carved design had the initials “L.W.” engraved amongst the pattern of twisted and broken lines. Once this desk  had a rich smell of cedar. All one could smell now was the fungus slowly eating away at it.  Many years ago, one may have commented on the luxurious, rich, brown color and golden inlay of this desk, but that was no longer the case.  Dust had inhabited every crevice of this room, claiming dominion over every surface.  This desk was no exception. Wesley was examining this beautiful furniture from underneath the doorpost. He dared not take another step but it was as if some enchantment was drawing him closer. This room was mesmerizing. Wesley's right foot slowly moved forward. As his foot hit the floor, so did his heart. For in that moment, a loud creak had shocked him into reality and broken the silence. Wesley regained his composure as he realized he was the one who had made the dreadful noise. His focus was no longer on the desk. Instead, he turned his attention to examining the other aspects of this room. There was a chair turned over on the floor as if someone in a hurry to leave knocked it over with no intention of ever returning to pick it up. It was just as beautifully made as the desk, and most likely made by the same hands. Again, fungus and dust had claimed another victim. Beside the desk and the chair, there were papers strewn about everywhere; on the floor, desk, and about the room. Some were crumpled, others were torn to shreds, and a few others were partially burned. These papers were once crisp and white. No torn edges; only written on by a hand trained in the antiquated art of calligraphy with the finest ink. The papers, however, were no longer in this condition. One could see how much they had aged by the distortion of color. They were stark white pages before but were now brownish in color. The edges were curled in some unnatural manner; as if time was slowly sucking the life out of them. They were on the verge of disintegration. After observing the papers, Wesley decided to once more try his luck in approaching the desk. He moved his foot forward and started at a pace that made every step more intense. It took him seventy seconds to walk fifteen feet but he was finally at the desk. Lying on top was a single piece of paper. It was not torn or crinkled and it showed less wear then anything in the room as if it had been taken better care of. In perfect handwriting without even the slightest drip or smudge of misplaced ink was written the following: “September 12, 1876:  I’ve locked it away in the desk drawer which Landon Williams has given me so that I may not live in fear of it haunting my conscience ever again.” And he dared not open that drawer.

I started this blog today. I am still in the process of pondering why. It's not because I have anything important to say, something that will change the world, or even because you want to read what I have to say. In fact, I have absolutely nothing to say. I only have the thousands of little thoughts that go through my infantile little head each day. I write because I love to. Maybe if I'm lucky, my little blog might someday bring a smile to someone's face for whatever reason. Right now, I have nothing to say, but I did decide to start this blog immediately after reading this quotation. This quotation is not what influenced me in writing this blog but I figured I would post it anyways, because I like to think it played a role in me starting my love of writing again.

“A true soul mate is probably the most important person you’ll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then leave. A soul mate’s purpose is to shake you up, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light can get in, and make you so desperate and out of control that you have to transform your life.” ~Elizabeth Gilbert